What’s in a Name

I told you about that obsessive-compulsive girl that sleeps at my house on weekends? The one that loaned her old cell phone to me a few weeks ago, after my Droid went kafooie? Sadly for her, she didn’t bother cleaning out her contacts or reminders before she gave me the phone.

I discovered this unfortunate fact two days ago, when the phone reminded me at 6:00 AM that it was the 2nd anniversary with “The Jakers.” I’d never before heard my son referred to like that, so I’m thankful now for the new nickname. I like it. And congratulations you two, for making it a whole two years.

However, I won’t be calling him Hot Jake, which is how he’s listed in the phonebook. Sorry. And I’m now also questioning her choice of friends, since it looks like she’s going to be part of the family soon.

Just who is  Abel the IDIOT? I hope he’s not in charge of anything important. Desirae Jolly, Gabe Nabor, and Erica Nut Power? Who are these girls, porn stars? And I’m very curious about the identities of Never Pick Up and No Pick Up. They sound like people you wouldn’t want to talk to. Maybe it would be easier to just block their numbers?

We have Rocky, Theran, Yow, Gillie, Cree, Buckwheat, and Black Jason: this sounds like the cast listing for a post-apocalypse reality TV series. I can’t wait to meet all these people at the wedding.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making fun of her. I’m actually jealous, because she has far more friends than I do. It’s good to have friends. There will be more people at your funeral that way.